13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet

Posted by Harshad

13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet

13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet

Posted: 21 May 2012 02:43 AM PDT

That’s a new … since there’s so much stuff on how to do this well, and that exceptionally well, I’ve decided to go the other way, and tell you how to be the worst (freelance) web designer on the planet.

web designer 13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet
(Image source: Redbubble)

But why? Just because! That’s why. BUT… being truly bad is not that easy, though. Thankfully, there are things you can do that can get you all set up for failure. Here goes.

(Note: Just to be clear, as I value my freedom, this is pure entertainment. If you put any of these to practice you will crash and burn, get sued, or most likely go to jail — Love, Karol)

1. 50% Advance Payment, then Procrastinate.

This is the first trick in a doomed to fail web designer’s guidebook. Of course, you don’t actually admit that you’re not actually doing any work. You cover this up by making things up i.e. lie.

How? It’s easy: just say that you’re doing some activities that won’t produce any tangible results. Like, “I’m working on the main idea for the logo” or “I’m analyzing the field” OR “I’m preparing all the initial requirements.” You know, stuff like that.

But of course, you actually do none of these things. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to craft something great during the final week. So the client will love you anyway. You’ll maybe even get a bonus for your dedicated work.

You know what… as a matter of fact…

2. Forget about Deadlines Altogether.

Clients don’t care about deadlines. Remember, as long as you give them something nice and shiny it doesn’t have to be delivered on time.

Chances are that your client doesn’t have any campaign, or promotion set up in advance. No media coverage, no interviews, no partners ready to spread the word about their new project, no anything. People don’t know such things. So it’s cool.

3. Get Only Pirated Software.

Software is expensive, especially for a web designer. Developers, they have it cheap. WordPress — free. An environment to edit some PHP code — free. Simple local server to test the site they’re developing — free.

the pirate bay 13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet
(Image source: Airborne Gamer)

Web designers, on the other hand, oh let me count the ways… Photoshop, Illustrator, 3ds Max, Corel, stock pictures, good LCD screen to see all the colors properly, etc. This is all expensive stuff. Thankfully, there’s thepiratebay.

Use the site to download everything you need for free. No one will ever know anyway. Besides, if you were to pay for the software the money would end up in the pockets of some evil corporate managers. In essence, you’re doing everyone a favor by downloading software illegally.

4. Chuck Modern Trends Out the Window.

Come on, you don’t need to be up to date with modern trends because you are the one setting the trends. You are the Paris Hilton of web design. You don’t need to know what others are doing, it’s irrelevant. They need to learn from you, not the other way around.

5. Let them Adapt to you.

This is not your problem. You’re just an *awesome* designer. If a platform like WordPress can’t handle your mega flashy great design then it’s the platform’s fault, not yours.

Your client is certainly going to understand this fact and invest in a custom-made platform that will be able to handle your superb creation.

6. Don’t Set Goals for your Projects.

A goal is some strange thing everyone’s worshipping far too much. Why do websites even need goals? They are just websites — pieces of great design that should be kept in a gallery for people to rave about.

There’s no other goal for a website than to look good. Websites set up to make money? Meh, you’re an artist, not an evil marketer.

A beautiful design is what every client wants. They simply want to show the site to their spouse and say “look honey, isn’t she a beauty? I paid $10,000 for this, it was surely worth it!

Which brings me to…

7. Overcharging.

Here’s how you put a price tag on your project.

First, you set your hourly rate. Try to be honest and think of a rate that sounds reasonable in your field… Done? … OK, now take this rate and multiply it by 2.

Now, look at the project you have to do, and try to estimate the time it will take if you were to do some actual honest work… Done? … OK, now take it and multiply it by 2 as well.

Since now you have your two numbers, multiply one by the other and you have a nice price tag. The final step is to take this price tag and multiply it by 1.5, we can call this — a “safety ratio”. And there you have it, your “Jessie J”.

8. Don’t Sign a Contract.

You don’t need those. Contracts hold you accountable. You know, people can sue you if you fail to deliver.

contract signing 13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet
(Image source: Fotolia)

“But isn’t this risky? The client might not pay me at all even if I don’t fail!” I hear you say.

Nah, don’t worry. Look, just a minute ago you’ve crafted your price tag to be at least 6 times the amount that can be considered honest. Additionally, you’re asking for 50% of the money upfront. In the worst case scenario you still end up with half of what should be getting.

Of course, if something goes wrong you don’t have to give it back because *ba dum tsss* there’s no contract.

9. Always Laugh Off Your Client’s Previous Site.

Remember, you are the expert, you know best. There’s no better way to show for it than by laughing at other people’s work.

Just point randomly at some elements of the previous design and say some completely irrelevant things about how you could have easily made them better. For example: “this logo is completely not visible, I would make it much bigger” or “this color sucks, I would use something that focuses more attention on the site’s content,” and so on.

Also, use a lot of smart expressions when talking about the site. Like: “social media exposure,” or “usable and error-free HTML structure.” It helps. True story.

10. Use Comic Sans.

I know that those hipster-designers hate Comic Sans, but this is exactly why you — a superior creature — should love it.

comic sans 13 Steps to Being the Worst Web Designer on the Planet
(Image source: Comic Sans Project)

Comic Sans is mainstream. Clients love mainstream. Besides, the font is friendly, playful, and has a heartwarming vibe to it. It makes people say “oooohh” like they just saw a kitten.

11. Do the Actual Work.

Yea, whatever. Doesn’t matter.

12. Don’t Listen to Feedback.

Listening to feedback, and more dangerously(!), changing something according to this feedback is a sign of weakness.

Every web designer’s essential skill is the ability to protect their work. You need to present a firm position and explain why your design is the best design any human being could create. Speak fast with massive self-confidence.

If someone points out anything they don’t like about your creation respond violently and tell them why they’re wrong.

Something along the lines of: “that’s why you’re paying me to design this, not the other way around” tends to work just fine.

13. Don’t Provide Support.

If there’s a problem with your design (and you’ve already received 100% of the money) don’t even bother answering phone calls, emails, or any other form of communication thereafter.

If your previous client requests some work to be done for free because it wasn’t done properly in the first place then you act as if you were dead, no longer designing, or use any other excuse that will save you from doing any work at all.

If your client asks for some further paid work, on the other hand, you are there waiting and gladly, willing to help. Of course, now you can charge 8 times the honest amount because the client won’t go to someone else anyway.

Freelance web design truly is a great business to be in.

— Switching back to reality —

Have you ever met such a designer? Feel free to comment and let me know what you think about this “reverse” web design tutorial. :)

Related posts:

  1. 7 Steps to Better Website Feedback
  2. Basics Behind Color Theory for Web Designer
  3. How to Ruin Good User Experience in 20 Simple Steps
  4. Marvelous Planet Earth and Space Wallpapers

How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

Posted: 13 May 2012 11:42 PM PDT

If you love taking a lot of photos and screenshots with your iPhones or iPad, I bet you hate the transferring of the photos part. Cable transfer and Dropbox sync… while they work for a few shots, transferring photos in bulk would be a definite headache or at the very least, super time-consuming.

ios screenshot How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

Skipping the unnecessary, since you now have iCloud, why can’t every photo and screenshot captured on your iOS devices appear automatically on your Mac? Well actually, it can.

In this quick guide, you will find out how you can access photos and screenshots saved on your iOS, directly on your Mac without doing anything. This little trick utilize Photo Stream on iCloud making your files appear on your Mac without third-party apps.

Get iOS screenshots automatically on Mac

Since we will be using iCloud, make sure you have registered for an account and have Photo Stream set ON.

1. Use Photo Stream on iOS and Mac

To set Photo Stream on your Mac, go to System Preference > iCloud and make sure Photo Stream is ‘checked’.

ios screenshot icloud How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

On your iOS, you can go to Settings > Photos and set Photo Stream to ‘ON’.

ios screenshot icloud ipad How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

2. Locate Photo Stream folder in Mac

When your Photo Stream is active, iCloud will automatically sync all your files and photos. Since Photo Stream on your Mac is now on active mode, all saved screenshots and photos on your iOS device will sync automatically to your Mac in a hidden folder. To access these files, follow these simple steps;

  1. Hover your mouse over Finder on the Dock, option-click and select ‘Go to Folder’.

    ios screenshot go folder How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

  2. In the search bar, look of ~/Library/ and hit ‘Go’.

    ios screenshot go 2 folder How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

  3. When the hidden Library folder is open, navigate to Application Support > iLifeAssetManagement > assets > sub then in the field, type ‘png’ and select ‘Portable Network Graphic Image’ from the popup.

    ios screenshot sub png How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

  4. Now hit the save button.

    ios screenshot sub save How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

  5. When a popup appear, name the folder as ‘Photo Stream’ or ‘screenshot’ or anything so you can remember. Leave the ‘Add To Sidebar’ option checked and click ‘Save’.

    ios screenshot add sidebar How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]

Now you already have a shortcut named ‘PhotoStream’ on your Finder sidebar, so whenever you take a photo or screenshot from your iOS device, you will see those saved items appear in this folder.

ios screenshot sidebar How to Transfer iOS Screenshots To Your Mac Easily [Quicktip]


When it’s all set, you can easily make a screenshot and take photos with your iPad or iPhone, and access those images from your Mac right away!

Related posts:

  1. How to Unlock GodMode in Windows 8 [Quicktip]
  2. How to Clear Messages Chat History [Quicktip]
  3. How to Fix Home Button Delays on iOS Devices [Quicktip]
  4. How to Create New Folders in Windows by Drag & Drop [Quicktip]


Post a Comment